Songs of the Heart
Moments from a life rejoined after death and grief. We carry it all with us all the time. And we make choices. Rebuilding a life from the ground up.
Moments from a life rejoined after death and grief. We carry it all with us all the time. And we make choices. Rebuilding a life from the ground up.
life rejoined - a year
a year
Because today is one year from the day the hospice social worker kind tender-hearted gentle lady sat at my kitchen table on a bitter day and told me that my husband had only a few days left only a few days days that’s not right that can’t be right I’m not in this room with you I’m not here You are speaking from another world This isn’t my kitchen table Not mine my brain screams no don’t be so cruel telling me that But today I am brought down again to that weeping place that I cannot stop I know these tears they go on and on at their own pace all i can do is allow surrender Sobs yup can’t breathe yup Half of a kleenex box emptied in an hour Stunned again about the reservoir of tears a body holds I had a helmet on, I guess A helmet of ignorance denial hope fear pain exhaustion You can’t see anything with that thing wrapped around your head You can’t see that your husband’s body is asking to be let go That angels come to the bedroom to help him Make him feel safer than I could But magically today the tears stop I think those tears cleared my vision impossible anniversary
There is no running from it It is all still impossible Mist on a morning lake Running with scissors
I do feel that I can After so many months of I can't Picking up the scissors now |
not dying slowly
Pablo Neruda's poem -- You start dying slowly if -- Not going to happen Today is Another day where I am choosing To wear new clothes With ruffles – yes, ruffles, little ones And they’re pink, the clothes And some are wildly multicoloured Another day when I am choosing To speak to the delivery man about real life To take a chance and love Choose less than wisely Go after a dream Jump for joy and paint Canadian
Because I am Canadian When I weep in front of you Telling you about my husband His life his death his pain My life my pain I say I’m sorry And you say Oh please don’t be sorry And so I say Sorry Apologizing for being sorry And then we throw our heads back and laugh Angels
There were two of them At least two Angels I think maybe one was a man And the other a woman Do angels come in genders? I think one of them was my angel They were silent And still They helped him be silent and still I so much wish they had let me see them too So that when I handed him off to them Knowing he was safe I could see all our hands together |